letters

here are some letters i've been writing:

dear new york yankees,
many congratulations on capturing your latest world series. it's really neat how the team with the highest payroll won the world series this year. keep signing those free agents and victory shall continue to be yours.

sincerely,
dean.



dear ipod,
every morning at work, i put you on shuffle, and every morning you play the same songs. you have over 2000 songs to choose from, yet you always choose the same songs. please broaden your tastes, or be truly random. perhaps this is my punishment for not listening to complete albums anymore. if this is the case, i have learned my lesson.

thanks,
dean.



dear driver that just had to get in front of me this morning,
congratulations on getting to where you need to be 5 seconds earlier than me. i am sure your time is indeed more important than the safety of others.

dean.



dear person on kijiji attempting to sell a 3-inch patch cable for $5,
i admire your patience and tenacity. you must be getting frustrated though. it has been many months that you have been trying to sell your item, and i suspect you have not received many offers. perhaps because it is much safer for a buyer to go to the local music store and purchase a brand new patch cable that is guaranteed to function properly, as opposed to contacting a complete stranger, going to that stranger's house, and exchanging $5 for a patch cable with no guarantee of functionality.

keep catching that butterfly,
dean.



dear everyone younger than me,
your spelling, grammar, and customer service skills are atrocious. please inform you teachers, parents, and employers.

dean.