i am constantly gripped with crippling fear, unabashed excitement, or both simultaneously. that can't be good for the heart. but the excitement and joy far outweigh the fear and anxiety. that ratio may change as we grow closer to the may 4th due date.
our toilet was plugged for about 10 months, and i just recently unclogged it. this has lead me to believe that i am not capable of fatherhood.
i read bill cosby's best-selling book 'fatherhood'. i now feel more capable of fatherhood.
i will soon have an excuse to be incredibly immature. i look forward to building forts, playing with legos, having water fights in the summer, snowball fights in the winter, trying to find the coolest playground in the city, watching saturday-morning cartoons, and eating at chuck e. cheese's.
most people have babies, and many many people in history have had babies. yet, i feel like this is still some sort of miracle. and i have never felt more masculine in my entire life (which isn't saying much). i guess i'm just relieved that my sperm is healthy and strong.
here's is what tv has taught me about pregancy: the mom throws up every morning for the first little while. then all of a sudden, she has a big tummy. she craves funny things like corn chips dipped in chocolate milk and it's very hilarious. you go to get an ultrasound and the doctor tells you everything looks good. then, when you're stuck in an elevator, or a cab, or a utility closet, mom goes into labour, and dad, or friend, or cab driver, or janitor, must deliver the baby. labour lasts about 7 minutes, and the baby is good and healthy and doesn't have any slime on it. so far, none of these things are true.
what having a pregnant wife has taught me about pregnancy: 'morning sickness' actually means you throw up after every time you eat for 3 months. you're not supposed to tell anyone you're having a baby until the 2nd trimester or so - which means you have to tell people that your wife has the flu for 3 months. i don't think anyone believed me. there are many many odd pregnancy symptoms other than growing a belly and 'morning sickness'. some of these include: a metallic taste in your mouth, severe heart burn, hair growth, boob growth, sleepyness, grumpyness, dopeyness, headaches, hipaches, backaches, excessive urination, etc. there are also many things that a pregnant lady isn't supposed to eat - all of which are things that my pregnant lady loves to eat normally, like tuna, red meat, runny-yolk eggs, sandwich meat, soft cheeses, etc.
my grandma died a week before we found out we were pregnant. if our child has just 1% of her spark, we'll have an awesome baby.
my grandpa died last week. if our child has just 1% of his gentle heart, we'll have a really awesome baby. i just can't wait to meet him or her.
i tell sheena that i wish i was the one going through all the pain and discomfort she is going through. i think she knows i'm lying to her. i am much too weak and pathetic to go through what she is going through. she is much much stronger than i am, so it's probably a good thing that it is impossible for me to carry a child.
i sound like a cheesy dad already. hopefully i don't start recording any cheesy-dad songs.
